


No Middle Ground

by EnthusiasticFish



Category: NCIS
Genre: Alternate Scene, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-01-17
Packaged: 2021-03-15 23:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28821129
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EnthusiasticFish/pseuds/EnthusiasticFish
Summary: Alternate scene for the season 4 episode Cover Story. What if Tim had actually put on the cuffs? Oneshot.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 11





	No Middle Ground

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, season 4 was a long time ago, but I suddenly had this thought of what might happen if, when Gibbs told Tim to put on the cuffs, Tim actually did it. So much of Tim's writing was played as an extended joke when the situations surrounding it really weren't funny at all. So I just decided to write something out. It's an alternate scene with an episode tag at the end. Nothing more.

**No Middle Ground  
**by Enthusiastic Fish

Gibbs was frustrated. Frustrated by the case, by the fact that they couldn't figure it out and by Tim's obvious self-condemnation.

"It's a typewriter. Not a shotgun," he said, irritably.

"It cost two men their lives because I based my fictional book on real people," Tim said earnestly.

Gibbs didn't want to deal with it. They'd already had to deal with Tim's writing once. It had taken weeks for everyone to get over it when they'd found out about _Deep Six_. It had make the job harder than it needed to be. To have it come up again, and this time as part of a case, was just irritating. Once was plenty. He didn't want it again, and while he had to deal with the case, he didn't have to deal with this.

"Then, put these on," he said, holding up a pair of handcuffs.

Tim looked at him in surprise.

"You just confessed, right?"

Gibbs dropped the cuffs onto the desk. Tim's eyes followed them down. Then, something in Tim's expression changed. Gibbs wasn't sure what it was, but he didn't have the time to pay attention.

"There's no middle ground here, McGee," Gibbs said, sternly, hoping that this would shake Tim out of his funk. He needed to get on with the case, not wallow in self pity.

Gibbs was about to walk away when something happened that he hadn't expected at all. Tim's shoulders straightened and he looked up. He held Gibbs' gaze.

...as he reached down, picked up the cuffs...

...and put them on.

"Do you want to take me to the holding cell, Boss?" Tim asked, softly. "Or should I go down there myself?"

Gibbs raised an eyebrow. Was this a joke? But no, Tim didn't joke. Not like this. Not at this point, in this situation. It was too serious for that. And he realized what he was seeing in Tim's eyes. He'd only seen it one other time, when Tim found out that the person he'd fired on in the alley had been a cop.

Guilt, horror, self-recrimination. Gibbs had asked Tim to convict himself, and Tim had. He had called Gibbs' bluff...probably without realizing it was a bluff at all. Gibbs' only thought had been to get on with things, ignoring the hard stuff because he considered it extraneous. His team could figure themselves out on their own time. Not in the middle of the investigation.

...but not this time.

He could see it. Tim wasn't getting over this just because Gibbs wanted him to. He wasn't going to be able to set it aside. He'd had a lot of problems arise the last couple of years and he'd always moved on. Or he'd appeared to move on.

Did anyone really just move on? Gibbs knew that he didn't. He simply ignored it and built another boat in his basement. Tony went out and partied.

Tim went home and wrote books. It was his way of escaping the problems that hit him. His escape had become a murder weapon in his mind.

They stood there staring at each other in silence. In fact, it seemed like the entire bullpen was dead silent, although it wasn't. Gibbs doubted that anyone else had even noticed what had just happened here. For all the shock of the moment, it had been very quiet. Tim hadn't shouted or anything. He'd just done what Gibbs had told him to do.

Finally, Gibbs knew that he couldn't just rip Tim a new one and send him back to work. They needed to talk.

Instead of taking off the cuffs right away, he jerked his head, indicating that Tim should follow him. Tim did, without saying a word. They got onto the elevator and went to Gibbs' office.

As soon as the elevator came to a stop, Tim leaned against the wall and slid down to the floor, his elbows on his knees, his cuffed hands leaning against his head.

Gibbs tried not to sigh. He just sat down the floor across from Tim.

For a long time there was silence, but there were words that needed to be said. Both of them knew it. It was just a matter of whether or not they would be. Gibbs didn't want to deal with this, but all things considered, he was aware that he might have to get the ball rolling, even though it wasn't his usual m.o.

But he waited a little longer.

Then, Tim let out the sigh that Gibbs refused to express.

"How many times can people die because of me?" he asked softly. "It's not like when someone dies and we have to figure it out. My life is tied to their deaths. Something _I_ did led to them dying, Boss. How many times can this happen? I'm guilty even if no one would ever convict me. I'm guilty of being an idiot and not thinking. It's happened about once a year since I started working for you. Every time, it's worse than the time before. How many more deaths can I have on my conscience before I can't take it anymore?"

Gibbs sat there in silence, letting Tim talk. He still wasn't looking up. He clinked the cuffs a little bit.

"This is what I deserve. No matter who the killer is, he wouldn't have done this without my book." A pause. "I shot a policeman. I couldn't protect a woman from being killed when that was my whole purpose in being there. I'm guilty."

Another moment of silence, but then, Gibbs decided to break it.

"No, you're not."

"There's no middle ground," Tim whispered.

"No, there's not."

Gibbs waited. Tim said nothing else. He still hadn't looked up.

"You're not guilty, McGee."

"Yes, I am. Just like you said. I confessed. Finally, I admitted that I'm guilty. Metro was okay with booking me for negligent homicide... and we don't even know if my bullet was the one that killed him. We know I shot him...and that's enough. I'll bet I'm still guilty to them. I'll bet they still think badly about NCIS because of me. I'll bet just me being here makes it harder to work with Metro when we need to. Why? Because I'm guilty in their eyes."

"What about in yours?"

"Always in mine," Tim said.

The immediate answer surprised Gibbs more than it should have. Tim had never said another word about Benedict after it was over. He had assumed that it was done, that Tim had found his own way of dealing with it. That meant he didn't have to worry about it.

He was wrong.

Tim had not only convicted himself for this one, but apparently, the conviction was still standing from Benedict, as well as Erin Kendall. Three strikes and Tim was on the verge of declaring himself out.

While part of him was still irritated that Tim wasn't just dealing with it, Gibbs could see that he would lose a member of his team if he didn't do something about it right now. That was something he didn't want.

"You weren't guilty then, either," he said.

"Yes, I was. I know you said that you would have fired, too. But the plain fact of the matter is that _you_ didn't. Tony didn't. Ziva didn't. No one did. Except me. I'm the one who fired, and whether I actually killed him or not, I shot him. I shot a good cop who was doing his job, and that means that, even if it was Archer who killed him, I caused him pain right before he died. I killed an innocent man. You're the one who got the guilty one."

Tim clinked the cuffs again as he shifted position a little bit, but he still wouldn't look up.

"And Erin would still be alive if I hadn't insisted on investigating and then hadn't been incompetent in doing my job."

"You solved a murder," Gibbs said.

"And caused another one. I don't think it was worth it. Erin died so we could figure out who killed a hitman. What good is that? Why would I care about who killed a professional killer? I'd let the murderer get away with it if it meant that Erin lived...but you can't go back and change it once it's done. I can't save Erin. A good woman died. A good cop died. Two good men died. And in some way, all because of me."

"No."

The silence lengthened out again. Gibbs knew he had to say something. Tim didn't seem to have changed his perception at all, but he wasn't sure what the right thing to say was. Talking hadn't ever been his strong suit, and he wasn't used to having someone just outright admit to the struggle. They were supposed to accept that the job was hard and not complain when it got bad. Why? Well, who knew, really. That was just the way it was, and apparently, that had not worked for Tim.

But what to say to fix it. He'd essentially put Tim in those cuffs by not paying attention to how hard it was for him. Now, he couldn't just take them off and move on.

Maybe he'd have to talk a bit more than he generally liked to.

"You're not guilty, Tim," he said, actually using Tim's first name.

It was enough of a rarity that Tim looked up for a moment in surprise. Gibbs suppressed a smile. In spite of the serious circumstances, he did find it amusing that a tiny bit of informality was enough to surprise Tim into a reaction. After that moment, Tim shifted awkwardly and then looked down again.

"Did you kill those two men?"

"No, but..."

"Did you kill them? Yes or no?"

"No."

"Then, you're not guilty."

"I can't pretend that I didn't contribute to it. I'm an accessory at the least," Tim said.

"No, you're not."

"Whoever did this would only have known about them because of what I wrote."

"True."

"So I'm guilty."

"Nope."

That got Tim to look up again.

"Can't have it both ways, Boss," Tim said. "There's no middle ground."

"Yep. I'm not the one trying to have it both ways. You are."

"No. I'm saying that I'm guilty."

"Yeah. No matter what. You didn't do it, but you're still guilty. You didn't want it to happen, but you're still guilty. You didn't plan it. You didn't pull the trigger but you're still guilty. You're trying to have it both ways. I'm not doing that. There's no middle ground. Unless you actually killed them or tried to have them killed, you're not guilty. Maybe what you did was pretty stupid, but you don't go to prison for being stupid."

Tim sighed again and leaned his head back against the wall of the elevator.

"And you won't help anyone, not even yourself, if you leave those cuffs on. Best thing you can do now is find out who killed them before he can kill anyone else."

"And when there's a third victim, will you tell their families it was just a stupid mistake, Boss?" Tim asked.

"Would you rather sit here in handcuffs or try to stop there from being a third victim?"

Tim shook his head a little. "I don't think I can do it. I couldn't even finish writing _Rock Hollow_. How am I supposed to know what this killer is going to do next?"

"You write the ending before the killer does."

Finally, Gibbs judged that it was time to do something. He stood up and towered over Tim. Then, he held out his hand. Tim looked at it for a moment. Then, he took a breath and lifted his cuffed hands off his knees and let Gibbs pull him to his feet.

Before Tim could do anything else, Gibbs took the cuffs off.

"You're not guilty, Tim. We need to find the one who is. Can you focus on that?"

Another deep breath and Tim nodded.

"Good."

Gibbs turned to flip the switch and then paused and looked back. Tim still seemed more resigned than anything.

"And after the case is over, if you need to, come to me."

Again, there was that momentary deer-in-the-headlights expression of shock that was always a little amusing and a little disturbing. Tim didn't think that it was normal to be familiar with his supervisor, but Gibbs was sure he'd need it later on.

The elevator doors opened to the bullpen. Gibbs pointed to Tim's desk.

"Get inside his head. Figure this out."

Tim nodded.

Satisfied that Tim would get through the case, Gibbs refocused on what needed to be done.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

_Three days later..._

The case was solved. The killer arrested. No one else had to die.

Tim hadn't said a word about it since it was over, but Gibbs wasn't letting that fool him this time. There had been some laughs about what Tim had said to keep Landon from killing Abby, but once the dust had settled, it was clear that Tim didn't find it funny in the least.

Gibbs had the feeling that this had been filed away in Tim's brain as another colossal failure.

But he hadn't said a word.

That night, as he sat in the basement, Gibbs thought about the situation. Since they'd saved Abby, Tony and Ziva didn't think anymore more of it except as an opportunity to tease a little bit. Oh, they knew that Tim didn't like the reminder and so they kept it gentle, but still, for them, it wasn't anything to keep worrying about. Abby had finally got the hint that Tim wasn't interesting in hearing what she thought should happen or not happen in the book. Things seemed to be headed toward normal, but at the same time, they didn't really seem normal at all because Tim seemed to have lost his edge. He hadn't shown any spark since that conversation in the elevator. Gibbs was actually a little worried about how things might shake out. Did he want Tim to wash out or didn't he? There was no middle ground.

Then, there was a tentative knock, not on his front door, but on his basement door.

Only one person would knock there.

"Come in, McGee."

The door opened and Tim trudged down the steps and then sat down at the bottom. He didn't say anything.

"We got him," Gibbs said, after a few silent minutes.

"Yeah."

"Feel any better?"

"No."

"Want to talk about it?"

"No."

Gibbs smiled and then turned around.

"You ever planed wood before?" he asked.

"No," Tim said.

"Come and try it," Gibbs said, holding out the planer.

Tim hesitated.

"Come on."

Tim nodded and walked over. He took the planer and clumsily followed Gibbs' motions. For a while, the only sound in the basement was metal against would. Then, one more thing.

"And, Tim?"

Tim stopped and looked at him.

"On Monday, you start talking to someone about this. You're not guilty, even if you feel like you are. There's no middle ground."

Tim looked like he wanted to protest but then he nodded...and went back to planing. Gibbs watched him for a moment. Then, he smiled a bit.

"I'm not going to deal with finding a replacement on my team...because I couldn't find anyone better."

Tim looked up again, even more surprised.

"I wanted you on my team and that hasn't changed," Gibbs said.

Tim looked back down at the wood. Then, he picked up the planer and started working again.

And the only sound in the basement was the sound of metal against wood.

Until...

"Thanks, Boss," Tim said, almost in a whisper.

"You're welcome," Gibbs replied.

FINIS!


End file.
